The Gexologist Manifesto

The old Gextament

In the beginning:

Garfield floated in a shapeless nameless void, until he went "This is almost as lame as MY ARCH NEMESIS NERMAL!". After this he went "I will now create all that is holy; but to create all that is holy, I must also create all that is evil." It is in this moment that 4 beings were born.

These beings populated Garfields latest creation, the Earth. He decided all living things would live there. He himself would live in the Media dimension, and all evil would live in the Vet.

The first was Gex, a Gecko who hailed from the Media dimension. Garfield had sent him down to the Earth to spread Garfields holy message, and protect the world from the beings of Vet. Now, Garfield knew gex would not be needed right now. So, Gex was left as a spiritual being. He would gain a body when he needed it most.

Being a perfect being, Garfield knew Gex would need a mortal enemy, and so he created Rez. Rez was Gex's Archnemesis, hailing from the fires of the Vet, Rez was the commander of the Vets armies. He commanded Nermal.

Garfield next created his most favorite Species, humans. He started by making his first being, Jon. Jon was to be Garfields first devoted follower

However, after a time Garfield noticed Jon grew lonely. He knew Jon would need a partner, to produce more humans, so he made Liz, the perfect partner for Jon in every way shape or form. Together, they would create the human race as we know it today.

The Garden of Gilligex Isle

and so Garfied placed Jon and Liz into the Garden of Gilligex Isle. Here was almost as good as a nice warm lasgana after a nap. However, Garfield had a secret. He had sacred lasgana plants. These plants grew lasgana so yummy wummy in your tum tum tummy, that even one BITE would grant you forbidden knowledge. Garfield knew this however, so he told Jon and Liz to never take a bite. However, that quirked up white boy known as Rez had servants and was smart. He called upon the Tiki Brothers to sneak into Gilligex Isle. here, they spoke to Jon and Liz and convinced them to take a bite. First, Jon took a bite of the yummy wummy lasgana, then Liz. Garfield was mad. In response to this, he threw them out of the Garden of Gilligex Isle, and forever cursed all men to be worse than women. He kicked them out to live at 357 Shadygrove Lane.

Love of the S*n

Jon and Liz had a Son and a Daughter. They were named Superfly, and Liz Jr.. As Liz Jr. was born, a gecko's spirit was felt passing by, as if it was too bless Superfly. When Superfly. was born, a quirked up white boy's spirit was felt passing by. This was to feel as though rez was beckoning the child to his side. Garfield saw all this, and knew what had happened. And so the children grew, Jon hunting for food for his family and drawing, while Liz praticed gardening and saving animals. Liz Jr. learned from both parents, whilist Superfly plotted. Rez slowly corrupted Superfly. As the children grew, Gex and Rez assisted their growth aswell. One day whilist taking a stroll together, the siblings encountered a wounded baby animal. This was a test by Garfield. Superfly and Liz Jr. came to a halt, they pondered. Liz Jr. thought she could save the animal. Superfly however, thought differently. He wanted to put it out of its misery, and so he did. Garfield saw, and knew there must be swift punishment for SuperFly. He proposed a test for Liz Jr.. He told Liz Jr. "Liz Jr., Superfly killed that animal due to rez's influence. You must kill him. He is evil. Gex be with you." Liz Jr. heard this, and acted swift. She made Garfield proud. Garfield Blessed her heritage, and oncemore proved women are better than men.

The Inbetween Gextament

Garfield's has his first accidents.

Garfield was bored. And so, he assumed a human form. He went by the name "Soren" For a time. He moved to what is now the United States, and decided it would be fun to have 12 children who would govern over the mundane aspects of life. First, he chose his wife. He chose a woman named Jackie. He gave her a yummy wummy lasgana, and she became a god. They then got married. Garfield kinda regreted all human life. Garfield didnt want to govern over them anymore. He decided to become the god of the Sky, and the thunder that scares him on rainy days. What a girlboss. Jackie was made the god of Marriges and births, in the hopes that she would produce many garfchildren. Once the two were back in their god forms, they went back to their god names. Garfield went back to Garfield, and he donned Jackie "Arlene". Together, they had many children. First, was Lyman. Lyman was the messanger god, running really fast to deliver messages. Next, was his son pooky. Pooky was rad. He was the god of music, dance, archery, and the sun. Squeak was next, he was the god of the hunt, wild animals, and nature. Pooky and Squeak were twins. Finally was Odie, the god of Wisdom and warfare. Garfield loved all his children dearly.

Odie makes a mistake that Garf will kick him for later.

I can not believe odie would do this. One day, a woman named Spider was born. She was an expert weaver, saying she could beat anyone in the crowd. Odie was there in human form, and shouted "Even Odie?" She said yes. And so, the god challenged the weaver to a contest. Oh no. Spider lost. Odie was pissed. Odie turned spider INTO a spider. This would come back to hurt Garfield and Gex later.

Garfields final kid.

Garfield had one last kid, a daughter named Irma. She was the god of the harvest, when she wasnt around crops would fail. Rez and Nermal were being terrible, so they sued Garfield for Custody of Irma. The court was biased, so now Irma lives with Rez and Nermal for 6 months of the year, causing what we now call Winter.

A child loves Garfield too much.

A child named Binky the clown loved Garfield so much. He wanted to be with him in the media dimension. However, he was trapped on an island of Rez followers. He and his father, Herman Post, agreed to fashion wax wings to escape this island. Herman Post was a genius inventor. Together, they flew. Herman flew low to the ground, and stayed safe. He made it back to the holy land. Binky The Clown however, flew close to the sun. He hoped to go to the sun. This was a bad idea. The wax melted. Garfield looked down in pity as his bestest follower fell to his doom.

The New Gextament

The 8 Garfield Commandments.

Now, Garfield knew there would be unbelievers against him, so he knew he required a prophet. For this, he picked a Woman named Meemaw. Meemaw was brought to the top of a mountain, where then Garfield told her the 8 commandments.

1. Thou shalt not covet anothers Lasgana
2. Thou shalt have no false Gods
3. Thou shalt not be a dweeb who murders or any other immoral things
4. Thou shalt not be named Boris, Ronald, or Donald.
5. Thou shalt support all forms of human rights. For women, the LGBTQ, children, and for all races.
6. Thou shalt do onto others as you shalt wish be done onto you
7. Whomst smelt it, thou hast also dealt it.
8. Thou shalt share, as it is caring.

Meemaw heard these words, and carved it onto a stone tablet. She then carried this huge stone tablet down the hill and displayed it in the town square. This Tablet marks the holy land. The holy land is Muncie, Indiana. Garfield let forth a final message of the day, saying "All of my followers, thou must arrive at Muncie, Indiana sometime between your 18th and 30th birthday. Whilist here, you must buy one piece of my merchandise and douse it in the prarie creek resovoir in Muncie, Indiana. This will fufill your pilgrammige. If you are alive until your 31st birthday, you must complete this or you will never reach The Media Dimension."

The First war

News spread fast of the 8 Garfield commandments. In only an hour, the whole world had heard. A town named Queens, New York had also heard. They however, broke the 2nd commandment. They had a false god,Heathcliff. The tablet upset them, and they knew they had to destroy it. Due to this, Queens grew to want to have war with Muncie. It had been a month since the tablet was made, and Muncie grew anxious. On one fateful monday, They looked out of the Garfield Church tower, and saw the Queens army approuching. They were lead but what looked like heathcliff, but any true garfer saw through this clever disguise, and saw the Archdemon Nermal. They fired their trebuchets at the army, hitting them with all the town had. Garfield however, knew this wouldnt work, so he blessed the holy land. Their trebuchets gained immense power, and wiped away the entire enemy army, and forced Nermal back to the vet.

The water event.

Garfield was PISSED OFF! at the humans. They were kind of not listening to him, and so he was like totes annoyed at them, so he decided he would murder them all but 4. He picked the 4 bestest people, who just happened to be a family called the Manson family, they had been around for a while now. They however, had a curse. They would always reincarnate with the same exact names. Charles Manson Jr., Valentine Michael, Rosalie Willis, and Charles Manson. And so Garfield came to Charles, and he told him a simple message. "There will be great flood Charles. Gather your family, and two of every animal you like and build a boat and put the animals and your family on it." Charles followed Garf's instructions, building a really big boat, I mean like giant boat. The flood came and everybody DIED! except for Charles, yknow why? Cause he had his boat built up, and his boat in the proper sailing condition. And so they sailed for 14 days and 14 nights. Then the sub subsided. Epic games later shamelessly ripped this timeframe off for their hit game "Fortnite: Battle Royale".

Garfield has an Accident.

Garfield Tired of his Godly duties, so he started to visit his followers in his dream. It would always go the same. He would say hello to his child, Hug them, and then let them ask him any question. However, one time this went wrong. He met with a woman named Yex, wife of Xeg, and during this meeting, he went in for his usual hug, yet however accidentally imparted a bit of his godly charm. This caused Yex to get pregnant. Garfield knew this was a mistake.

The Birth of Gex

and so, Yex was pregnant with Gex. Yex and Xeg carried on working, and Yex started a company named NASA. She knew the Media dimension was out there, and she wanted to find it. She started a spaceship company to build spaceships to reach it. 9 months later, Yex and Xeg were looking for a place to stay for a night. Despite being a quadrillionare, Yex could not find a hotel. They stopped at a small Holiday Inn, and enjoyed the little mint under their pillows. Uh Oh. That mint didnt go down smoothly. Yex's water broke. They gave birth in the bathtub. Yet, the moment she gave birth, 3 roomservice men came into the room. One gave a Lasgana, one gave a PS1, and one gave Coffee. They named their son Gex. Garfield had finally found the time where gex was needed to have a body.

The early life of Gex

as a child, Gex loved to eat lasgana and sleep. He knew he was garfields strongest beliver. He also knew he was Garfields's son. This caused him to know he had to spread the messge of garf. His parents loved him very much, and supported this goal. He went to school to go to school to become a comic author, becoming friends with a man named Jim Davis. One day, he proposed a comic strip to Jim about the first two humans and Garfield, their lord and saviour.

Death

Xeg was working at NASA for his wife Yex onetime, and was doing an experiment. When Suddenly, the rocket exploded. Xeg and other employees died. Yex was furious. She fired EVERYONE at NASA. Not only were all her hopes and dreams of flying to the Media Dimension dead, but also her husband. Gex cried for days. Gex knew Garfield punished his strongest followers.

Gex's rise... TO POWER!

And so, Gex was now alone. Except for his lord and saviour, Garfield, and his friend, Jim Davis. And so, he began to fight evil where it stood. He rode with kings, teaching them the ways of the garf. He ran with the wolves, learning from their movements. He climbed K2 to learn perserverance. He was certain of one fact... HE WOULD NOT DIE IN VAIN!

Religous persecution

Some people did not understand his holyness, Gex the gecko. They didn't believe in his story or message, but this was all apart of Garfield's plan. He knew they wouldnt believe Gex at first, but Garf knew they would learn with time. At this time, Jim Davis's comic was poppin off, and a king named Justin read Garfield fat cat 3-pack vol 4., and learned that Gex would hate spiders. And so he made a giant spider trap, and bided his time.

The last gexupper

and so, Gex and his closet 8 friends sat together for a big meal. Gex was really hungy, and was abt to go insane. Little did he know, his closet friend, Mario Mario, had been bribed by King justin with friendship points. Uh Oh. And so, Gex handed out some food. He first passed out some bread, and said "this is my body". He then handed out glasses of appy jucie, which he then said "This is my blood". Then, he handed out 13.5 unpeeld grapes from the Walmart at 1501 E 29th St, Muncie, IN 47302, United States. He said "These are like my eyeballs or something. He then cut off all of his fingers, yelled "OWIE THAT HURT!", passed them around, and said "These are my fingies :3"

The spiderfixation.

King Justin and his soldiers sabotooged Gex. They showed up at his private party. King Justin siezed Gex, starting to take him to the spider trap. Gex screamed "Oh why art thou doing this to me, loser?" King justin responded, "L + Fatherless + Motherless". Gex cried. And so they reached the spiderfixation, which just so happened to be in the shape of a lasgana, which is one of the reasons its the holy symbol of gexology today. Spiders ate gex's body slowly. After an hour, they decided he was dead. This was the worst Monday ever.

Rebirth

Gex however, had 1 life left. 4 days later, on Friday, he respawned. This was his second coming. He ran into town, and gave one final proclamation. Gex spoke: "You guys suck and im telling my mommy you hurt me... Ill return someday, when enough people either belive in me or sacrifice themself to Garfield. Until then, cya meanies!" However, only 1 person heard him because everyone else was focused on the birth of this like Jesus dude who was totes a liar. And so, Gex ran off into the sunset, being the last seen of him for a reaaaaally long time.